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People Are Cruel

Today in the forum I frequent of other women who go to the same fertility specialist as myself, someone needed to vent about being upset hanging out with pregnant or be-childed friends, the cruel things others say because they don’t know what she’s going through, and her husband not understanding her not wanting to go to a wedding where she would be the object of these people’s comments and smug-fertileness.  She wondered if it was just her: IT IS NOT.

I thought I’d concentrate in this post on the cruel things people say.  I just don’t understand them.

People who don’t know you are trying to concieve Why do people feel the need to comment on your childlessness?  Don’t they realise that either 1) you don’t want children, in which case it’s not like they’re going to shame you into it or 2) you do want children and the fact you don’t yet have one is not something you’re pleased about, in which case calling attention to this is cruel.  Is there ANY scenario they can think of where their comments wouldn’t be hurtful?

People who think they’re ‘outing’ you as being pregnant As an IVFer, I of course spend a lot of time not drinking wine (which I love) or blue cheese (which I love) or doing a lot of other stuff that I love just in case it impacts a treatment cycle or because I’m undergoing the dreaded period of time between the embryo transfer and the pregnancy test.  When someone says ‘Why aren’t you drinking wine – pregnant?’, what exactly do they expect you to say?  If you are but haven’t told anyone yet, do they think this is a helpful way of getting you to announce the news?  And if you’re not, then what do they expect you to say?  This one REALLY angers me – probably because it has happened to me so much.

There are many more categories of evil people; I’ll leave it this for now.

  1. 02/02/2011 at 1:27 am

    Very true!

  2. 02/02/2011 at 6:23 am

    Until I had losses and became infertile I never realized how often small talk (how many kids so you have, etc) can really ruin another person’s day. People have to chat about SOMETHING of course and for some reason almost everyone thinks this is a safe topic. But I’ve found an honest answer sure shuts people up quick! Then of course there’s awkward silence instead of annoying small talk. Not sure which is worse.

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