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Lost Track

Yesterday I decided, only 1/2 an hour into what should have been a 5 hour walk, that I just wasn’t up to it yet.  I don’t know if I’m letting myself be a complete wimp or if I was being kind to myself.  I don’t know if this indicates that I’m not strong enough to have a hope of becoming a mother or if I’m doing the essential taking care of myself I need to do.  I’m certainly haven’t been eating healthily the past couple of days.  And the DH never helps this: he can eat whatever and not gain an ounce, so when he sees me upset and exhausted just piles on the comfort food.  No wonder I’ve piled on so many, many kilos since starting this journey.

I feel lost.  Can I get back on track or is it impossible?  Will I wind up childless and so enormous I don’t fit out my door but just wallow in fat and self-pity until one or both is too heavy and crushes me?

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