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I’m Nervous

In just over 12 hours I have my appointment with Bill.  I’m nervous.  My last stim cycle I only had 3 eggs and no embryos, so I’m completely paranoid that Bill will tell me my fertility has completely packed up.  I’m scared.  I should be 27 weeks pregnant tomorrow, not seeing Bill again and worried what he has to say about whether I can do another cycle or not.

I’ll argue that perhaps starting a flare cycle a mere 3 weeks after I stopped my post-miscarriage lactation probably meant that my body wasn’t ready for that cycle.  I’ll argue that my pre-pregnancy cycles hadn’t showed signs of the number of eggs betting less.  I’ll argue that I’ve been going to the gym religiously and am much fitter than when I did that cycle.

Why am I assuming that I’ll have to argue?  Am I just so used to IVF being a struggle I’m looking for a fight?  Or is it because seeing my boy, even dead and only 14 weeks 2 days, was the most precious sight I’ve seen and I’m willing to fight to do it again?

I guess I’m not doing well in the ‘reduce stress’ category, but at least I’ve kept up the ‘Excercise more’ quite well!  (And I won’t mention whose face I pretended to be smashing this morning in BodyCombat class.)

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