Home > IComLeavWe > My 1st IComLeavWe

My 1st IComLeavWe

If any fellow ICLWers are visiting, G’day; I look forward to reading your blogs.  I’ve already looked at many of the blogs on the list to try to get to know you.  Which in most cases is fairly easy; we know each other because we’ve been travelling the same path.

This is my 1st IComLeaveWe, so I guess an introduction is in order in case anyone visits.  I started this blog in January 2010 (although I’ve been adding old diary entries and treatment cycle summaries from the past several years), mainly because I wanted to try to talk about my miscarriage.  My husband was too hurt himself from it all – plus probably getting tired of listening to my hysterical ramblings.  I hoped that if I could begin to open up about my miscarriage maybe I could empty myself of all the pain and horror of it.  However I still haven’t really been able to write about it. . .it is still too raw. . .

For a bit of history, I’ll just quote what I wrote in the ‘About Our Journey’ link above:

17 years ago – a decade before I met him – my husband had a vasectomy.  At the time he didn’t realise that he’d later fall in love with me and that having a family together would be so important to us, so when we decided to try for a baby in June 2006 IVF / ICSI was our only option. We’ve been with TasIVF since then, first with Dr Sonneveld and now with Dr Watkins.

In October 2009 (after our 10th stimulated cycle) I had my first BFP, however I miscarried our little boy on 18 December 2009 at 14 weeks 2 days. It’s amazing how someone who was a part of our lives for such a short time can still mean so much to us.  In February 2010 we did our 11th stimulated cycle; we had no embryos from this cycle. I’m very worried that at my age (40 at the end of June!) we’ll soon be told there’s no point continuing to try. Until then we’ll keep going.

I’ve recently joined a forum with other women going through IVF with the same doctor I am. I’ve found out how helpful it can be to share your stories and frustrations. And there are some questions only other people going through IVF can answer. Since I have another blog about other aspects of my life, I decided to create one about this journey too.

I started this blog in January 2010 but have added posts that predate this, some diary entries but mostly boring statistics on treatment cycles, but for other IVFers even this might be interesting.  Any posts added before the blog existed will be noted as such.

I’m just a woman going through this in Tasmania, Australia.

For the past 3 1/2 years, I’ve actually kept away from the online infertile community.  Early on when I started IVF, I checked out a few forums but didn’t feel like I belonged; I think I just hadn’t found the right forums.  When I was pregnant and googling my obstetrician (as you do!), I actually found a forum thread of women who went to the same FS I go too, Bill Watkins.  And I liked these women – they were level-headed, supportive, and smart (things that seemed to be missing from the other forums I’d visited!).  At that time I told them my story – over 3 years of treatment and 10 stimulated cycles but finally a success – in the hopes it would be a positive story.  When I miscarried a month or so later, I returned – this time for support and to try to be supportive in return.  Being supportive in return felt really important; I was such a basket case that it felt great to be able to gather my thoughts and sound calm and reasonable-ish online.  (Even if in secret my posts took hours and a stack of tissues to write.)

Anyway, while I was off work post-miscarriage, I started this blog.  A recent commenter pointed me in the direction of Stirrup Queens – and from there I’ve been reading your blogs and realising how many people are blogging about infertility and IVF.  My original intention was to write this for myself, however maybe what I can add to the infertility blogging world is being ‘the bad stat’.  I’m the one who never gets a live birth – so that statistic is covered and you can go have your BFP now!  😀

  1. Me
    22/03/2010 at 12:24 am

    Welcome to ICLW!!!

    What a journey you’ve already been on. I hope you get your BFP AND a live babe sooner rather than later! Whereabouts in Tassie are you? We owned a house over there til last year, in the NorthWest and have a 5 year plan to semi retire over there and buy a house outright!


    • 22/03/2010 at 8:15 am

      I live in Hobart. I absolutely love Tassie. I’ve lived in several different countries and wouldn’t move from here! I love camping in the NW. Unfortunately IVF has slowed down our camping and bushwalking, but I really want to do Roland, Vand Dyke, and Claude. And many other things!

  2. 22/03/2010 at 8:42 am

    If your husband had a vasectomy, what sperm are you using? Too personal, just say so. I had a vasectomy reversal, but am still recovering. My wife doesn’t want to even try for another baby, until she feels I am able to help.

    • 22/03/2010 at 9:39 am

      We’re using his sperm. A reversal wouldn’t work for him because his vasectomy was too long ago so his body would produce antibodies, however they do a fine needle biopsy and get sperm. He doesn’t even find it too painful – unless he forgets and flops down into a chair in the day or two following.

  3. jrs
    22/03/2010 at 10:53 am

    I’ve enjoyed reading your posts. I like your roses out of the shoe covers. You are not the only “bad stat”. Sorry to hear about your loss 😦

  4. 22/03/2010 at 12:50 pm

    Thanks for stopping by my blog, it’s so nice to meet you as well:) So sorry for your loss, I can’t imagine how painful that was & continues to be for you.
    Hope you have a good ICLW week & meet lots of supportive, encouraging bloggers:)

  5. 22/03/2010 at 2:44 pm

    I hope very much that you don’t end up being the bad stat. This communitity is definitely amazing – it’s sad there are so many women out there who know infertility and loss but I’m happy to have found it.

    Thanks for your comment on my blog. I wish I had a beach near here – my dog loves water 🙂 Happy ICLW!

  6. katery
    22/03/2010 at 2:47 pm

    i’m glad you decided to give it a try, blogging was so cathartic for me when i was going through treatments, so much so that i still do it!

  7. 23/03/2010 at 1:25 am

    Hi from ICLW. I am so sorry about your recent miscarriage. It is unbelievably shocking how sad it is, isn’t it? I was really surprised when it happened to me. I thought I’d be a little disappointed, but I wasn’t prepared for the wave of grief.

    I also get you on the idiotic ttc forums out there. Thank goodness for this amazing bunch of women that Mel has brought together!

  8. 23/03/2010 at 5:21 am

    Wow, what a journey so far. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss and I hope that you get your rainbow very soon. I am in the 2ww of my 1st IVF cycle and nerves are really starting to get to me. It definitely is a roller coaster!

    ICLW #134

  9. 23/03/2010 at 11:50 am

    Thanks for sharing your story. I’m so very sorry for your miscarriage. I hope you get a BFP very soon!
    I’m glad you’ve decided to give blogging a try. It has been so helpful to me during this journey. I’ve found wonderful women who are so supportive. It has been a blessing to me in so many ways. I hope it is to you too. Can’t wait to read more of your blog and follow along.

    ICLW #28

  10. 23/03/2010 at 1:30 pm

    I’m so sorry for your loss. *hug* Don’t let anyone tell you you’re too old … there are so many women out there now who have babies later in life. Your determination is inspiring!

    Thanks for stopping by and reading …

  11. 24/03/2010 at 1:19 am

    Thank you for sharing your journey thus far. My thoughts are with you for success in the future!!!


  12. 24/03/2010 at 2:45 am

    Thanks for sharing. Good luck with the next cycle! Never give up!

  13. 25/03/2010 at 4:16 am

    Welcome to ICLW! Thank you for sharing your journey. I also feel like I am the “bad stat.”

    Best wishes to you and stop by my blog any time.


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