Home > Stim Cycle #12 > I Hate Crying in the Office. . .

I Hate Crying in the Office. . .

. . .and yet that’s what I’m doing, choking back tears.  I’ve just been to my follicle scan.  Not much happening on my ovaries at all. Four small (8 – 10 mm) follicles on my right ovary; left ovary is totally asleep.

I know we’ll never have a live child.  I know we’re just doing this now to donate to our RE’s holiday fund.

I should be 30 weeks 2 days pregnant today.  My boy should be alive.  I should be so very happy.

I really hate being alive.

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  1. 09/04/2010 at 10:47 am

    All I can say is that I’m sending good thought and hugs your way. XXXXXXX

  2. praying for you
    09/04/2010 at 2:34 pm

    It has been 18 years wince I was you and still when I read your words the pain feels fresh. Know that you are not alone. Know that there is a destiny that you do not yet know. Know that you will always mourn the losses you have endured but someday you will also revel in the joys of motherhood. Stay open. Stay present. Stay hopeful. I’m praying for you.

  3. Gailly
    09/04/2010 at 10:32 pm

    Hi
    Reading your post is so upsetting. I really feel for you and unfortunately I know how you feel.
    When I went for my follicle scan and they told me that I only had 4 little follies I completely broke down. My nurse wasn’t very gentle with how she told me either which hurt even more (basically she said that it wasn’t very good for a woman of my age). I had to keep going with the injections a bit longer. When I went back again I saw another nurse who, despite my stupid overies not producing any more follies, said that I shouldn’t give up hope and was quite reassuring. I went in for IVF and luckily by the time they did egg retrieval, I had six eggs but it’s heartbraking when you see that other women respond better and get way more follies/eggs.
    When my IVF failed I couldn’t stop thinking of how I wish I was brave enough to end it all. My husband and family deserved better than that and I’ve put those thoughts behind me now.
    I know it’s really hard but please try and stay positive. I’ve told you all of that to show that you’re not alone. Did your RE say what to do next? Are you keeping up with the injections?
    I hope things improve xxxxxx

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