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Scattered Shards

I feel like I should be telling you all now that I’m picking up the pieces and getting on with my life by now, but to be perfectly honest I’m not.  This BFN feels like the death of another baby.  It’s hit me so hard I’m having trouble carrying on.  One day this week I was so naughty I didn’t even go to work.  I stayed in bed and cried the whole day.

I’ve become a prisoner to infertility.  And unfortunately I’m imprisoned in a cage with a view of what it’s like to be on the other side.  I don’t get the tranquility of solitary confinement; I have to watch pregnant women walking around, people playing with their babies, and see friends due when Blobby was due continuing on with happy and healthy pregnancies.  I don’t see any way out of this keyless, doorless cage.

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Categories: Musings
  1. 08/05/2010 at 11:16 pm

    hi beautiful, i just wanted you to know that i have been thinking of you and didn’t want you to feel that i have abandoned you or that you are alone. i can totally understand that a bfn feels like the death of another baby, i felt the same my last time. and its not naughty at all to have a day off work and stay in bed…..hello!!! your looking at a 3 month full time bed person here, mostly. its normal and healthy and important for you to take some time for yourself and do what you need to do to survive this moment. and yeah , unfortunately you do get to see life going on around you mums ,babies ,families, schools, its the nature of the beast, this is why i stay at home so much and only go out for bare necessities. but mines an awful existence too. i can’t offer any great advice really, i can just let you know i am here and i understand some of what you are going through. big big hugs and loads of love xxx anne

  2. a
    09/05/2010 at 5:43 am

    Grief is a personal thing – you know when you have it, you know why, and no one else should judge you for it. Get on with your life whenever you feel up to it, and not before. I’m sorry you’re feeling so badly, and I wish there was something I could do to help.

  3. Sweetpea
    10/05/2010 at 9:05 pm

    I can relate to how you are feeling. I am sorry for what has happened and I only wish you can find peace soon. Take time for yourself to feel the feelings you are having. ((HUGS)

  4. 10/05/2010 at 9:11 pm

    I know you feel like you’re really deep in the pit right now and you’re allowed to feel like that. It’s not naughty to stay home from work if you’re just not coping. I did it once too-I had AF and was so devastated I just told my boss “I can’t be here” and left. I stayed in bed the rest of the arvo. I know there is nothing that I can do to make it any better except just sit here with you and encourage you or sympathise with how you’re feeling. Just take it one day at a time and hang in there. I am thinking of you a lot right now!

  5. 11/05/2010 at 2:23 am

    Take all the time you need, do whatever you need to do. Nobody is judging you. Everybody deals with grief their own way and sometimes you just can’t help but be down and stay down for a while. You’ll pick yourself back up when you’re ready. So take your time, we’ll all be here waiting for you when you get back to yourself.

    Huge (((HUGS)))

  6. 14/05/2010 at 10:25 pm

    I am so sorry for what happened. I hope you’ll find peace soon. Just remember that everyone deals with grief on their own special way.

    Take care.

    PS. thanks for your email you sent me apologies for not responding

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