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Baby Shower for The Fertile One

Yesterday I got the invite: The Fertile One‘s baby shower is on Sunday.  It’s so late (she’s due on the 17th) I sorta thought she either wasn’t having one or hadn’t invited me.  I’m going to try to go.  Yes, it might not be easy, but she’s been great.  When I told her about my miscarriage, after hugging me and shedding a few tears she said that if I didn’t want to walk my dog with her any more she’d understand.  It must have been so difficult for her these past few months to know how to relate to me, especially with her being so healthy and blooming and me going through more and more failed IVF cycles.  I think her strategy has been mostly to talk to me about what’s going on at work; I have to ask how things are going with her pregnancy – she never volunteers info or ‘pushes my face’ in it.

She’s great.  I tell her what I’m going through with IVF, and she’s so sympathetic and has never said any of the usual idiocy you hear out of the mouths of fertiles.  Last night I used her as my ‘sounding board’ – the first person in the meat world I told I’m considering using donor eggs.  She’s known I’ve been really stressed and having difficulty relaxing, so invited me to something she does called taketina that she finds relaxes her.  (It’s been great going to it – maybe that’s a different post.)

She’s asked for no baby presents, but if we want something to bring something for her freezer.  I’m making some spinach quiche and some lasagna.  And I don’t have to go near a baby shop – how good is that?  Besides, I already made her a thing.

My one dread is her friends.  I think I only know one person who will be there, and that person I only know slightly (the taketina instructor).  However Hobart is so small you never know who you’ll know.  I dread the ‘do you have children’ question.  I still don’t know how to answer when people ask me this.  When I just say ‘no’ I feel like I’m lying – and a little like I’m being stingy to my little Blobby.  However I can’t imagine saying ‘actually I was due the day before The Fertile One is due, but my boy died’ would make for a happy shower.  I can see all the fertiles (I just assume they all are) slowly backing away from me and looking at me like my head will explode.  Which is probably a fair call – my head may just explode attending this thing.

But I want to go.  She’s been great at navigating a really difficult friendship, so I feel like doing this one difficult thing for me is sort of the least I can do.  And to be honest I don’t have all that many friends IRL – especially ones who aren’t from work.  And I do hope that maybe, one day, I’ll actually be successfully pregnant and we can walk not just our dogs together.  Who would have thought you’d have to man up so much just to attend a baby shower?

Scan tomorrow; it doesn’t feel like my ovaries are doing anything.

Categories: Musings
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    08/06/2010 at 11:57 pm

    Good luck with the shower. It seems like you have an exceptionally sensitive friend, so maybe she’ll tell people not to ask you. But, you know, you’re allowed to be sad, and you can do that without bringing the whole party down. If someone asks, you can say you lost your much-loved baby, but this party is a celebration and you’d rather not talk about it right now. I think the key is to just be prepared for the questions, and have an answer ready, so you’re not surprised into bursting into tears. You can do it!

    Good luck with the scan…

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