Home > Stim Cycle #14 > All the Drugs in the World

All the Drugs in the World

That’s what I feel like I just left the clinic with: all the drugs in the world.  So here we go, my 14th stimulated cycle.  Really, can there be any point to this?  This time I’ll be taking Gonal-F 6oo iu and Luveris 75 iu from tomorrow (CD 2).  On CD 6 I get to add Cetrotide to that as well.  Yeah.  So I’ll be doing 3 injections per night starting tomorrow (when you’re doing 600 iu of Gonal-F it has to be done in 2 injections) and from next Wednesday it will be 4 injections per night!  I’m not having a scan until Monday 23 August, which seems a long time to go without a scan in a flare cycle, but whatever.  They’re probably just sick of seeing me.

I haven’t used Luveris before.  The nurse gave me a brochure and it has this woman sort of clapping her hands she’s so excited or something.  WTF?!?  I mean REALLY.  It says it’s for women with severe LH and FSH deficiency.  Well my FS never does any blood tests, so how would he know if I had a deficiency?  I’ve just got crap ovaries and eggs.  Oh well – at least he’s doing something different this cycle.

I’m in a bit of a down place.  I don’t know why.  I had a really hard time last night as I kept dwelling on the last 48 hours of Blobby’s life and wondering if I had asserted myself a bit more and not let them ‘you’re just being a paranoid 1st time mum’ me I’d have a 2 month old son.  I know those aren’t helpful thoughts, but there wasn’t much I could do.  The thoughts are just in my brain and it’s impossible to get rid of them.

I have to go to dinner tonight with my sister-in-law and her husband.  I like them – and they don’t have children so there’ll be none of that poo – but the last time I saw them I was pregnant.  I know in 5 days it will have been 8 months since my son died, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t hard seeing people.  I still avoid crowds – especially crowds of people I know – and I sort of hate seeing friends.

Sorry for such a down post.  I know most of the people reading this don’t need any more unhappy in their lives.  But I guess we’re all just in this together, for the good and the bad.  I hope I have some good to write you one day.

  1. a
    14/08/2010 at 4:24 am

    Well, different is something. I hope it’s something that leads to good news…

  2. 14/08/2010 at 5:40 am

    Is Luveris the same thing as Ganarelix? I never remember.

    You have every right to have a hard time and vent here…

    Groups are hard for me too, and grief is different for everyone. IVF is even harder after a loss. It feels so unfair to have to do this AGAIN. And it is.

    • 16/08/2010 at 11:50 am

      Ganirelix is different from Lueris – Ganirelix is an antagonist. But the antagonist I’ll be using (from Wednesday on) is Cetrotide.

      Yes, it is so unfare to have to do this AGAIN. I’ve done it too many times already.

  3. 14/08/2010 at 1:26 pm

    It’s so hard not to go back over that well-trodden ground, no matter how much our logical brains tell us it’s not useful. 8 months is not a very long time to be grieving. And you’re trying to do something very difficult, both mentally and physically … so you should try to be kinder to yourself. Even if you do get pregnant, there will be another kind of dread, even in the joy of expectation. We are who we are … and thankfully, we are all here together.

    One day at a time.

    Do something nice for yourself this weekend.

  4. 16/08/2010 at 10:27 pm

    Oh my gosh, hun! You’re going to be like a pin cushion! Hopefully, though, the something different this cycle will be the right something. I’m praying for good news for you!

    As for a down post, that’s what we’re here for, babe! If we can’t be one another’s cheerleaders and shoulders to cry on, who can? Love ya, hun!

  5. 17/08/2010 at 7:53 pm

    Hey darling.
    I am so sorry you are feeling so down. And that Luveris brochure sounds ridiculous. I hate that crap. I think it’s good they’re keeping you informed, though. I wish I lived closer by to you, I’m sure you wouldn’t hate seeing me 🙂
    But anyway, I know how hard it is to move on from a loss and you have every right to feel regret and just…blah (that was crap but there are no words). Love you heaps.xxx

  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s