Home > Thaw Cycle #4 > Surging


Today is one of those busy mornings.  I may not do a school run before work, but once every 3 months my dog goes to the groomer.  (Yes, I know, I could do it myself at home.  I’ve done it myself.  However when I do suddenly my dog has acres and acres of hair to clip and about 18 legs getting in the way.  Believe me, it’s worth the money!)  So on these mornings my dog is thrilled to see the back door close, see me reaching for the drawer that holds her car harness, and her joy crescendos when I reach the harness out to put it onto her.  You can see the excitement surging through her.

Of course this morning was a bit different because I am surging too – surging with luteinizing hormone.  Yesterday the urine test showed a faint second line, and today the faint line is bold.  Before leaving the house I tried phoning the IVF Unit, but I had to leave a message.  Just in case they phoned on the way into the city, I asked the husband to drive that bit and sure enough I got a call.  It was one of the nurses asking me to come in to get a pathology form for the blood test.  While she was on the phone call the donor coordinator asked to speak to me next.  She says they have a potential donor for us.  Can we come in to chat?  We made an appointment for the first time we could with her, 10 am Wednesday.

My husband, ever the optimist, immediately started gushing with excitement when I checked with him if 10 am Wednesday worked for him to meet with Julie.  He heard the name and his face suddenly glowed with excitement.  Of course he could meet with her – any time!  We drove to St Helens where we parted ways.  He was walking the few blocks to work with a heart singing that we had a donor; I was off for a blood test with much more skepticism about the donor.  The blood test was over quickly (apparently I’m quite the gusher).

Soon I was back in the car with an excited Lottie (she’s excited about everything, but especially excited when I leave her and then magically return).  But I was a bit distracted heading over the Tasman Bridge.  I was trying to understand what I was feeling – if I was feeling anything.  Wondering what my emotions are if, indeed, we are getting closer to actually having a donor.  I still have many doubts.  I doubt it will happen soon.  I worry that I have some undiagnosed condition that means embryos aren’t likely to implant.  I’m slightly disappointed that we might not be able to give DHEA a try (but as it’s a long shot I’m happy to skip it).  And I wonder if there’s any point with going ahead with this FET cycle.  If there is a donor and she doesn’t want to wait, I don’t want my 2WW to interfere with getting started.  But as soon as those embryos are defrosted, there’s no way I wouldn’t have them transferred.

Interestingly, I don’t feel emotional.  I think I’m so accustomed to shielding myself from hope I’m just not letting them through at the moment.   And too accustomed to my RE being more positive about things than need be.  I have thoughts and questions surging through my head, but not emotions.  I’m waiting to see if this is real.

Categories: Thaw Cycle #4
  1. thecrazycatwoman
    04/10/2010 at 2:52 pm

    Oh God, it all sounds so complex both emotionally and logistically. I’m not surprised you’re not feeling much at the moment, or not able to identify your feelings. Good luck on Wednesday. I feel a bit excited for you even if you don’t!

  2. Kel
    04/10/2010 at 3:15 pm

    Hello, my name is Kelly and I’ve just come across your blog. I live in Tasmania and my fiance and I are going down the Bill Watkins road and while I wish none of us had to go through infertility issues its nice to come across someone who is going down the same path as us and to have someone to relate to.

    I wish you all the best on your IVF journey, while my partner and I are only at the beginning of ours & starting IUI in the middle of this month its still all so very daunting and dis-heartening at times, but reading your past blogs I have to say I’m amazed by your strength and devotion and I’m proud of you. I truely hope your journey ends soon with a BFP. Wishing you all the best 🙂

  3. CW
    04/10/2010 at 4:53 pm

    Damn that roller coaster…….it’s exciting and nerve wracking about the donor. I desperately hope that you will not need a donor at all. Good luck with the FET.

  4. 04/10/2010 at 5:10 pm

    Oh, I can understand why you have all those thoughts running through your head. SOunds like great potential news – but could be very complicated! Can’t wait to read how it goes on Wednesday.

  5. 04/10/2010 at 8:06 pm

    Oh my gosh, so much going on!! I understand you having mixed feelings about the donor, and of course you wouldn’t want to proceed with an FET if she wants to start straight away. I say let the emotions in when they start, they are going to come anyway and please vent on here as much as you need to. Deciding to stop treatment with your own eggs is a huge decision, and of course you can’t get of your head right now. You have been through so much. Just take it slow and don’t do anything you’re not 100% sure of. Love you

  6. 05/10/2010 at 3:06 am

    I can completely understand not feeling anything … it’s definitely easier that way. Honestly, there are some days I’m STILL detached, 23 weeks into pregnancy. I hope that whatever happens, there’s some good news in it for you.

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