Home > Musings > What’s Wrong With Being Up The Duff?!

What’s Wrong With Being Up The Duff?!

Sorry – this is a rant.  Grumpy language follows; proceed at your own risk.

There’s something that drives me more than a bit crazy (more than a bit because I’m already a bit crazy).  Why are we all here?  What joins us together?  Infertility, baby loss, the trying to obtain the unobtainable and mourning that which we lost.  So I get really cross when I see someone who has been struggling with infertility and/or baby loss finally get pregnant and then suddenly feel like they have to apologise for blogging about it.  Or others who have said in their blogs that if someone they follow gets pregnant they’ll stop following them.  Really?!  WTF!

If you get pregnant, I’m not only here for you but I want to hear about it.  It is PART of your infertility story.  I want to know how every scan went.  I want to know your good and bad symptoms.  I want to feel elated with you.  And if you’re feeling anxious or guilty or anything else I want to hear about it so I can give you a hug and/or a slap on the head.

Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t get jealous of others who are struggling when they get pregnant; I get excited.  Excited for them, but also excited that maybe there is hope.  Please don’t stop telling your story – there are those of us who don’t have much hope in our life that need you to help spark it in us.

I’m not a freak of tolerance.  If you were someone complaining about falling pregnant when you didn’t want to or an injectable drug user with the mental capacity of a 12-year-old whose partner is aconvicted paedophile falling pregnant yet again, I will loath you. (I just love that my job puts me in contact with these happy family stories!  😦  )  But I’m not reading those blogs – I’m reading yours.

So go forth and get up the duff – and don’t be afraid to tell us about it!

Categories: Musings
  1. Meg
    27/10/2010 at 11:37 am

    Same! I love hearing about the success of others who have struggled with infertility. Gives me hope that it can happen to me one day too. Hopefully it will be your pregnancy blog that I can get elated about soon. Xo

  2. lis
    27/10/2010 at 11:46 am

    i agree, i dont get jealous either, but there are certain words that get to me. like pregnant and twins. if those two words were permanently dropped from the english language, i would be a happy girl and be much more stable. you see i dont mind if someone IS pregnant or IS HAVING twins, the words, they just sting.
    thank you for the comment on my blog

  3. 27/10/2010 at 11:47 am

    THANK YOU for posting this!! I’ve read quite a few blogs this time around that seem to feel lost, not part of the IF community, and not part of the “happy pregnant” clan, either. We need to remember to support each other. And I’m with Meg … I hope that your happy news will be next. But even if it’s not, we’ll read the grumpy stuff too, and be there when you need us.

    (I think I’m not envying your job right now, though.)

  4. Jen
    27/10/2010 at 2:59 pm

    Amen…I felt the same way before I got pregnant. But then I got pregnant and felt so guilty for being so darn happy when other people were hurting.

  5. thecrazycatwoman
    27/10/2010 at 7:16 pm

    WOW I admire you! I must admit that mixed in with the hope that others’ pregnancies give me and the genuine happiness I feel for someone who’s been struggling who finally conceives, I do feel envy, and I do find it hard to hear about. I know this is horrible, irrational etc. and am trying SO hard to change my response. I think you’ve just confirmed my suspicions that I’m really quite a bitch!

    You really are a kind and generous person (and I will still read your blog when you conceive!). 🙂

  6. a
    28/10/2010 at 12:16 am

    It makes me cringe when people who have struggled feel like they need to apologize for achieving success. I wouldn’t want to take away any of their happiness or make them feel undeserving. But then, I’m a “buck up, little soldier” kind of person…

  7. 28/10/2010 at 12:30 am

    I hear you! Maybe for me it is tempered with a real selfishness. I still so hope that I will get to be up the duff soon and a mother in the not too distant future. So I want to hear the stories so I know what to expect when I get there.

    Having said that it doesn’t mean that there aren’t days when reading about pregnancy and seeing scan images is just too hard. But when I am having a stronger day I want to hear about it – unless you are going to complain about parenthood – that I don’t need to hear where I am now, but I do get that preggos and mamas probably do have some very real reasons to complain.

  8. 28/10/2010 at 10:57 am

    I can’t believe I missed this post! It is one of your best. You’re right, it is part of the journey and to me I need to read right to the end to know it’s a happy one. I know this is why I’m blogging less right now, thanks for reminding me not to feel guilty. Love you

  9. 01/11/2010 at 2:19 pm

    Oh Tas:

    This is one that speaks to the heart! I never understood it before (I was breifly pg) and I don’t understand it now. Our blogs should be whatever we want them to be, often they reflect directly what is taking place in our lives; the good, the bad, the infertile….but hell if your life takes another turn…even a happy one then make no apologies! I find it sad to see the bloggers who feel compelled to write: “warning: mention of pgcy” and the like. However, I do understand people’s fears, as my brief pg was played out against a background of harassment via IF forum/Facebook/email. It was awful and leaves me fearful to this day, but probably says more about my own choices than it does about IVFers generally. Tas, I look forward to the day you can make your blog a parenting blog!!!

    LS x

  10. 17/11/2010 at 2:43 pm

    Thank you so much for your post! I felt like it spoke to me as I have felt that way since I got pregnant – lost. I have now slowly started getting back to my blogging and out of limboland. Those first few weeks are hard to get your head around and you don’t want to overload your fellow blog friends with your pregnancy news but at the same time, this is where I am on my journey now. Good luck with yours!!!

  11. 19/11/2010 at 5:17 pm

    I feel the very same way! Thanks for writing this 🙂 (and sorry for the crazy-late comment.)

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