Home > Ovum Donor Cycle #1 > Halfway Through Infinity

Halfway Through Infinity

Well here I am – halfway through my infinite wait.  I’m bloated and exhausted and headachy.  And before anyone tries to say that’s a ‘sign’, I’m on heaps of drugs.  And a neighbour was burning something in the middle of the night and wretched smelling smoke got into our house and made me vomit and caused the headache.

I wonder how the donor is doing.  I hope she’s recovered physically from the whole thing.  And I wonder how she feels about the whole process now that she’s been through the whole cycle.

I wonder how the other recipient went; did they get more embryos than we did?  How is she holding up in the wait?

I wonder what’s happening inside my own body.  Are the embryos still there?  Are they long dead?  Are they embarassed by all the Crinone they can sense and just wanted out of this freakish body of mine?

Most of all I wonder how I’m going to get through another week of waiting.  I feel more like I’m waiting to hear what treatment I have to undergo next rather than waiting to find out the result of this cycle.

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Categories: Ovum Donor Cycle #1
  1. 03/12/2010 at 10:13 am

    Ugh waiting and not knowing anything is the hardest, I am crossing everything for you and don’t have much to offer in the way of solutions, other than a big, fat, “Hang in there!” x

  2. Katie
    03/12/2010 at 11:11 am

    Unfortunately the waiting is not only the sulkiest part but the part I have not been able to get great advice for. Taking up new hobbies and such can only go so far. Have you received the socks yet? I hope so. Otherwise I need to go yell at the post office again. At least it’s Friday (for you) and you don’t have to wait the weekend away in the office. I hope that helps a little. You know, for as much as I stalk your blog you’d think there would be a sign that said “get off the damn website already” every time I reload it.

  3. cw
    03/12/2010 at 11:45 am

    oh honey. hugs hugs hugs. don’t worry about the “other” people just worry about the two love muffins you have nestled in side. I have everything crossed for you and all of my baby dust going your way. Not even spares ALL. Fingers crossed. xx

    • 03/12/2010 at 11:54 am

      As much as I want to make your list, save some baby dust for you too!!! 🙂

  4. a
    03/12/2010 at 2:03 pm

    Loooong weeks lately…I hope you can find some distractions to make the time pass quickly.

  5. 03/12/2010 at 2:33 pm

    We need better technology to be able to look inside our own bodies whenever we feel like it. Medicine be d*d. Waiting impatiently right here with you, with cookies I’ve sneaked out of the freezer. (In case you don’t get notified about follow up comments … you can successfully freeze pretty much anything I’ve made recently. But I can attest to the fact that it doesn’t prevent you–or at least, me–from eating them.) Sorry that you’re feeling so wretched!

  6. Still A Guest Room
    04/12/2010 at 12:19 am

    Waiting is the worst…thinking of you!

  7. 04/12/2010 at 2:38 am

    Fake symptoms suck. I haven’t even had my transfer and my boobs are so sore! I am dreading the wait as well. It is interesting to think of the other donor recipient and how she is doing too. What a unique situation. Hoping the time flies by for you!

  8. 04/12/2010 at 3:50 am

    I know how much the waiting sucks. Hang in there!!

  9. 04/12/2010 at 2:50 pm

    Sorry you’re feeling so yucky! I hear you on neighbours making disgusting smells. One of mine cooks something gross every second night, which I think might be cabbage. Please take care and get heaps of rest!

  10. 06/12/2010 at 2:07 pm

    Just wanted to say, too, that I was thinking of you when I wrote my last post … something along the lines of “believing in wizards is sort of like believing in pregnancy for those in the IF community who have been waiting in hell for a long, long time.” I don’t really believe in wizards, either; I think that my college friend was a nut job. But I *do* believe in a future where you are a mom, and you must, too … you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t. And I think that you are positively amazing for being able to hold on to hope, given what you’ve been through, even if it’s the smallest shred. I’ve been humbled by meeting some of the other women in this community … and you’re one of them.

    • 06/12/2010 at 2:48 pm

      And … I should have said “mom to a living child,” because that is more accurate. You will always be Blobby’s mom. We–especially those of us who have lost babies–won’t forget that, either, and the ways in which that loss makes believing in anything seem even more impossible.

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