My doctor just phoned to say ‘I told you so’.  However I didn’t know what he was talking about.  He thought one of the nurses would have already called but they hadn’t: apparently it’s a BFP.  My levels are 270.

Scan will be 21 December, which will be too early to see a hearbeat.  I had an option to have a scan on the 21st with my RE or between Christmas and New Year with someone else.  I decided on the 21st mainly because an ectopic is the one thing I haven’t had and I want to be sure it’s OK.

I honestly wasn’t expecting it to be positive.  At all.  When the RE asked me how I felt I think I said ‘I think I’m going to vomit’.  Trouble is I’m feeling shock and fear.

I want to feel happy, but I’m so scared.

I have so much to lose.

Categories: Ovum Donor Cycle #1
  1. 10/12/2010 at 1:47 pm

    You would think it was my own BFP I’m so excited! I did a little happy dance and sent some good energies toward you and hopeful twins 😉

  2. 10/12/2010 at 1:51 pm

    And about being afraid rather than excited, I completely understand it. Unfortunately the fear doesnt leave, but it does subside as you gain time in the pregnancy. Don’t let anxiety overcome you, now or as you approach the same week you lost your dear Blobby. He is giving you luck and love. Try to enjoy the good times and be optimistic. And when you can’t be optimistic email me and I’ll be optimistic for you. Try to relax and be happy as you can be. Because you have baby(ies) just waiting for your love.

  3. 10/12/2010 at 1:55 pm

    Oh and I love that he called to tell you told you so when you are the one that pushed to do the other treatments and donor cycle!

  4. a
    10/12/2010 at 2:08 pm

    Oh my! How exciting and fearful at the same time. I hope you can find a way to the happiness part. Congratulations!

  5. Still A Guest Room
    10/12/2010 at 2:11 pm

    WOW!!!! So exciting! I hope that you can feel excited, but I am sure the anxiety is difficult. Thinking of you!

  6. cw
    10/12/2010 at 2:32 pm

    hell yeah!!! That is so bloody amazing!! I know that you are nervous but right now just enjoy it. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. 10/12/2010 at 2:38 pm

    When I saw the title of your post on my RSS feed, I grinned from ear to ear! I’m sorry that it comes with fear instead of elation, but I’m sure in time it will. In the meantime, I’ll be excited for you! 🙂

  8. 10/12/2010 at 3:08 pm

    WHOOPEEEE!!! I’m dancing in my living room for you! I know *exactly* how scary this is right now, and how it’s still impossible to believe, and how it feels early to feel anything … but I’m going to keep believing and sending all of my positive thoughts your way, if that’s OK with you!!! Hang in there.

  9. Jen
    10/12/2010 at 3:34 pm

    SWEEEEEEEET! It is so scary which really SUCKS after how hard you’ve worked to get here. So meanwhile we will be cheering for you!

  10. Natalie Dowling
    10/12/2010 at 4:16 pm

    I’m not sure if you remember me, but we met in Bill’s waiting room a couple of months ago and I showed you photos of my pomeranians (thank you for the lovely comment in your blog subsequently; I was very touched).

    I have been hoping and hoping that you would have a positive result soon, and I was thinking of you today practically willing your test to come back positive. You so deserve good news after so much heartbreak.

    I am absolutely delighted for you and I have everything tightly crossed that everything will progress smoothly from here on in.


    Love Natalie xxx

    P.S. Our first stim cycle failed, as did the first FET. Currently in middle of TWW from 2nd stim cycle.

  11. Helen
    10/12/2010 at 5:29 pm

    Shock & fear totally understandable, so we can do the thrilled and excited bit for you until you get the reassurance of a scan! Keeping everything crossed for you (while grinning with delight!)

  12. Kel
    10/12/2010 at 5:33 pm

    I’ve been stalking your blod all week! I am SO SO happy for you! While waiting for your page to load just then I sat here with my fingers crossed that it would be a BFP! and it is!!!

    Wishing you all the best hun 🙂

    • Kel
      10/12/2010 at 5:34 pm


  13. 10/12/2010 at 6:07 pm

    Oh my goodness HURRAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! *Squeals with excitmenet* YAY!!!! Big congrats 🙂

    I know you must be terrified right now, but 270 is a great level and you have lots to be positive about. Early scans are reassuring, to me, anyway – I think the extra monitoring is good. We are all here to hold your hand while you wait.

    I am just so happy for you right now, this news has made my day 🙂 I want to hear ALL the details, especially about your husband hearing the news.

  14. 10/12/2010 at 6:08 pm

    This is such amazing news! You are pregnant! As soon as I woke up I rushed to your blog to see the outcome.

    It is perfectly natural to be terrified. I understand that completely.

    But right now, remember that you have life inside you. You are Pregnant!

  15. bir
    10/12/2010 at 7:35 pm

    OMG OMG!! I was just thinking about you, and popped by to check up on you and there was this post! I’m soooo happy for you!! Wishing you sticky, sticky, sticky!
    Your last two lines … I just want to say…. NOR-MAL!! Apparently. Either that or you and I are lone members of one of those clubs! Seriously, I so know those feelings, and I wish I could say that you get over them. Hopefully you will, as you learn of viability and all. For me, I think they are getting worse. But still I wouldn’t change it for the world, as you wouldn’t. We are so good at ‘preparing ourselves’ for failure, for it not working… again.

    Your last line – I have so much to lose – yep, got it. Understand. You’re not alone. If that helps one iota?


  16. Meg
    10/12/2010 at 8:19 pm

    I know you are scared and worried BUT I am SO excited for you. I know that doesn’t help and possibly even makes it worse for you. This is the first of many steps for you. Yeeeeee harrrrrrr!!!!

  17. 10/12/2010 at 10:25 pm


  18. 11/12/2010 at 1:43 am

    Many many congratulations!!

  19. 11/12/2010 at 2:49 am

    CONGRATULATIONS!!! So happy for you! 270 is a great (strong) number!!

  20. 13/12/2010 at 6:33 pm

    Whooo Hoooo! I can imagine how scary happy confused your emotions must be round now, but I will celebrate for you! Congrats1

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