Home > Ovum Donor Pregnancy > Facing My Fears

Facing My Fears

I think I’d kept ‘forgetting’ to make an appointment with my obstetrician because it was easier than the thought of seeing him.  I last saw him to get the results of Blobby’s autopsy.  But I’ve finally manned up and phoned; I’ll see him 21 January, which is a calendar month from my last appointment with my RE.  In the back of my mind I am slightly scared that there will be no reason for the visit; what if Sparkie didn’t make it through all that bleeding?  And it seems to have settled down a lot now, so there goes my Crinone/aspirin theory.  But setting down is good.

I started bleeding leading up to Blobby’s death after I’d been camping in the northwest of Tasmania.  Ever since I’ve had a fear of travelling in our campervan or long car rides.  I’ve travelled for work of course, but not since Little Spark was on the scene.  So I’m really scared of it.

But I’m also facing up to that fear and have allowed some friends to talk me into a crazy trip.  I’m a geocacher, and at the moment there’s a moveable geocache race on; all the caches are gnomes.  Somehow I’m now in the middle of trying to organise a secret meet-up of all the Tasmanian racing gnomes at Longford.  A friend and I have acquired all the gnomes in the south, I have a friend in the northwest who can meet up on Sunday but might not be able to collect gnomes (so I’m coordinating others to get gnomes to her), and someone else is gnoming in the gnorth.  It’s the sort of thing I usually love – but the travel on Sunday does have me freaked out.  I know – there’s no reason I shouldn’t be able to get into a normal, comfy, Subaru and go for a road trip with a friend to meet up with other friends to do something more than a little strange.  I’m sure I’ll live through it, but until I do I’m freaked out.

Categories: Ovum Donor Pregnancy
  1. Meg
    31/12/2010 at 4:36 pm

    Good on you for facing your fears head on. I know it will be a hard trip, but it’s very brave and I’m sure it will be worth it.

    Guess what? My next appt is also 21 Jan (at 4pm). Anytime close to yours?

  2. 31/12/2010 at 5:48 pm

    May you have a Fabulous New Year!

  3. 31/12/2010 at 6:27 pm

    One day, one step at a time … and here’s something funny … we went for a walk today along a canal towpath we like, and there’s a property full of “gnome homes” that someone has made in the trees! My son and I had quite a long conversation about building a “gnome town” … I’ll have to tell him that there really *is* one, in Tasmania! 🙂

  4. 01/01/2011 at 5:16 am

    Good for you. That’s a lot of fear-facing. One day at a time.

    Blobby’s death was not your fault. It wasn’t due to anything that you did.

    I think my main fear is telling people. I feel as long as I can keep this a secret, I can keep it safe. If I tell my work that I’m pregnant, they will assume that means that I’m actually going to have a baby, and then I worry the universe will punish me for my hubris.

  5. 01/01/2011 at 9:48 am

    You can do this. You can get in that car and face your fear. I’m so sorry if this situation makes you feel sad or like you’re risking little spark, but I’m sure you’ll be fine. I’m also happy to hear you’ve made your OB appt! That’s great 🙂 I have one in about 10 days time. Enjoy the gnome hunt and get as much rest as you can afterwards. Take care xx

  6. a
    01/01/2011 at 1:56 pm

    Glad you made the OB appointment…and a gnome convention sounds like just the thing to make the time pass in a pleasant and distracting manner.

  7. the crazy cat woman
    03/01/2011 at 4:07 pm

    Well done on facing your fears. I have similar (completely irrational) fears that I can’t seem to shake. I’m sure if I get pregnant again I’ll be scared of EVERYTHING. I’m in awe of people who carry on living ‘normally’, doing things like bushwalking and drinking diet soft drinks (two recent examples from friends of mine) when preg.

    You’re doing so well. 🙂

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