Home > Musings, Ovum Donor Pregnancy > I’m Not Mr Potato Head

I’m Not Mr Potato Head

I spent months wondering how I’d feel if we went down the path of using an ovum donor.  So here I am, apparently with the result of an anonymous egg donor’s OPU and my husband’s testicular biopsy growing within me (if he/she still is).  I thought maybe someone else considering using donor gametes/embryos would be interested in how it’s going and what I feel.  So here it is:  ‘normal’.

Of course I’m not like one of those ‘normal’ women who just assume all will be well.  I can’t.  I’m infertile.  And just over a year ago my apparently healthy little boy was born too early and died.  So my definition of ‘normal’ is different from most.

By ‘normal’ I mean this experience is all mine.  Having an ovum donor hasn’t changed how I feel about Sparkie.  I don’t on a daily basis think of the ovum donor.  Not that I’m not incredibly grateful.  Maybe it would be different if I knew her, but I don’t.  I am the one fretting over each twinge, everything I eat, the poor health of my IVF-ridden, overweight body, and whether every small thing I do might put my Little Spark’s life in danger.  I’m the one who has to ensure I have all the necessary drugs and supplements.  I’m the one who has to make and go to appointments.  I’m the one who keeps wondering if I can invent some mystery emergency so someone somewhere will give me a scan and let me know how Little Spark is doing.  I’m the one who fantasises about quickly nipping into the scan room when I next go to pick up drugs to see if I can give Mr Wand a go on my own and check if Sparkie’s OK.

Maybe it will be different if Sparkie lives.  Maybe one day I’ll look into a little face and wonder where some feature came from.  Maybe I’ll wonder if a particular behavioral trait could come from somewhere else.  Perhaps I’ll enjoy the idea of blaming any bad behaviour on someone else entirely.  But I suspect not.  To be honest, I think I’m fairly generic looking.  Look at me and you know you’ve got a mutt of northern European extraction on your hands.  I don’t think there’s much that stands out.  One of the nurses let slip that the donor looks like my Doppelgänger, so she probably looks enough like me that if Sparkie makes it interfering nosy people in supermarkets would say Sparkie has my eyes or ear lobes or something.

I’ve never been one of those people who try to guess where body parts come from with other people’s children.  To be honest, I think often when people do that they’re grasping to find things.  I don’t think children are Mr Potato Head.  Yes, there are some families that all have a strong family resemblance.  Between the two of us, it certainly happens  more in my husband’s family instead of mine (poor child, being more likely to get my husband’s family’s fat calves rather than my healthy hair!).

I definitely worry that if Sparkie makes it, when he/she gets to 18 he/she might be in the middle of going through some teenage rebellious stage and decide to look for his/her donor.  However I also realise that’s because I’m so good at worrying I can worry about things that can’t happen for almost two decades.  (Something I inherited from my Far Mor.  😉 )

But until then, I continue along with my ‘normal’.

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  1. 06/01/2011 at 5:24 pm

    Normal is GOOD.
    Excited that everything is going well.

  2. cw
    06/01/2011 at 9:59 pm

    love this post. and love that you are feeling normal. I must confess I have often wondered how you would feel. but i imgaine since it is growing in YOUR body and YOU have to make it work. And good golly miss holly it sure seems to be working!

  3. Still A Guest Room
    07/01/2011 at 2:06 am

    I love this and am so glad things are going well for you.

  4. 07/01/2011 at 2:33 am

    Glad to hear that things are going well. Bleeding is definitely scary. I had a similar experience last weekend, lots of bleeding but was reassured on tuesday with an ultrasound. Keeping my fingers crossed that everything continues as it should for you!

  5. 07/01/2011 at 5:59 am

    This is very helpful to me as I pursue donor embryo adoption/ donation. Thank you !

  6. 07/01/2011 at 7:12 am

    So glad that having a donor doesn’t make it all seem strange. Just the first few cells of Spark were grown by someone else, and the rest has been all you! We’re very much in the same place as far as wondering “if”. I love your idea – “invent some mystery emergency so someone will give me a scan”!

  7. a
    07/01/2011 at 2:28 pm

    I don’t think you should even have to invent an emergency to get a scan – you should just be able to go and ask.

    Sounds like you’ve really worked through the donor egg variations – glad to hear it, because there’s enough to worry about in life.

  8. 07/01/2011 at 6:08 pm

    Thank you for sharing this information it’s really helpful

  9. 08/01/2011 at 3:14 am

    I was told that if I was ever feeling worried, or had any spottting or bleeding, to go to the ER or make an appointment. Though I was never able to act on this advice, I never wanted to bother anyone, so I always waited until my next scheduled appointment.

    It is your blood that is feeding little Sparkie, and your womb that is keeping her safe. It will be your voice that she hears first, and your hands that hold her when she cries.

    May the days go swiftly until your next scan.

  10. 17/01/2011 at 11:21 am

    Awesome post! A topic of interest for me indeed, as I am awaiting the results of my 4th FET with my adopted embryos. Ours is an open adoption, but our placing family used an egg donor (who we have pictures of) and the hubby’s swimmers. We also have pictures of the two children that the placing couple has who were born from the same batch of embryos. It’s like having a window into the future. Not that it matters, but they look like they could be my hubby and I’s children.

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