Home > Ovum Donor Pregnancy > Tired and Emotional

Tired and Emotional

But unfortunately completely sober.

I’m just so tired, however sleep doesn’t come easily.  I’m no use during the day; I’m just a zombie – but not quite as cool or as brains-seeking.  At night I can just be there, horizontal, waiting for sleep to overcome me.  And nothing happens.  I don’t know if I’ve just forgotten  how, if the need to go to the loo every few seconds to pee and check toilet paper is keeping me from sleep, or if I just can’t sleep deeply so am easily awoken.  My husband’s snoring wakes me up, so I usually spend most of the night in the downstairs spare bedroom (which my dog loves as she comes down with me and hogs most of shares the bed).

And I’m an emotional wreck.  I had lots more bleeding again on Friday morning.  The sight of it, especially after so little sleep, just freaked me out so much I suddenly felt incredibly ill.  So I took the not very brave option of just tweeting someone at work and crawling into bed to watch DVDs and try to forget the horror show happening.  The bright red has turned to black, but I have no idea what’s happening.  I can’t imagine Sparkie’s still alive after all this, but I just don’t know.

I feel a bit like a fool.  When Blobby died I regretted not being excited and happy about him while he was around.  And here I am doing it again.  For whatever time Little Spark’s with me, I should be happy and celebrate his/her life.  But it’s too hard.  I can’t tell my emotions what to do; they just are.

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Categories: Ovum Donor Pregnancy
  1. cw
    10/01/2011 at 2:48 pm

    Oh honey I didn’t know you were bleeding. Ok you have probably googled the hell out of it but have you seen the FS / Ob? I am sure it is nothing and black is old – better than red. And I know you hate these stories we all do but my sister with DS#1 had bleeding at 8-9weeks where she had to use a pad and she was all ok and my BFF on DD#2 had the same thing at 11 weeks and all good. I am pve it is normal but will sit here sending you hugs and love and best wishes.

  2. a
    10/01/2011 at 2:55 pm

    How could you possibly be calm and happy with all the bleeding – not even considering history, bleeding would make anyone anxious. I hope all is well – is there anything your doctor can do to make you feel more comfortable? How about a personal doppler?

    • 10/01/2011 at 3:54 pm

      What doctor?! My clinic pretty much doesn’t have anything else to do with you after one early pregnancy scan – and I don’t see the obstetrician until the 21st! Sorry if I sounds like I’m snapping at you – I’m pissed off about the situation I’m in. I think I have an insanely unsupportive clinic. I think they just treat patients like cattle. I’m still going back to see nurses to pick up more Crinone. The nurses are good at saying you should call if you’re worried about anything (although they were closed for a couple weeks over the holiday), but when you do they have nothing to say!!!! I can’t even get an appointment at my GP clinic this week. 😦

      I’m going not-so-quietly insane.

      • bir
        11/01/2011 at 12:25 pm

        I get that. Or they only have insensitive things like “well, there’s nothing we can do but wait and see” to say!! It seems like the time we need the most support, yet it’s the “in between” time, waiting to see if we can “prove” ourselves, and the medical support we get is really zip. Not on the emotional side..

  3. 10/01/2011 at 3:28 pm

    I am hoping so hard for you that everything is ok. *big big hugs*

  4. 10/01/2011 at 3:41 pm

    I’m so sorry to read this. I had brown discharge too in early PG and this was a result of old blood trickling through and the placenta moving up the uterus. I hope this is the case for you. Thinking of you and I hope you can get an ultrasound soon to ease your fears.

  5. Meg
    10/01/2011 at 5:49 pm

    I’ve been wondering how you’ve been going and I’m sorry to read that it’s not very well :-(. I wish the bleeding would stop for you. Do you think it might be the nasty crinone being an irritant? Is Bill back from his holidays?If so, are you sure he can’t see you? He was happy to see me and do an extra scan when I had a bit of a meltdown (my meltdown was over nothing, just a too vivid imagination). Or you could do my other meltdown strategy and go into the hospital and get a scan (I did have light bleeding and cramping for that one). Both ways, my mind was put to rest so it was totally worth it to lower my stress levels.
    Here if you need me. Xo

  6. 10/01/2011 at 6:06 pm

    I’m with Meg … time for a meltdown. You can’t live in this kind of hell until the 21st. Usually if you’re bleeding, the OB will agree to see you again … it’s at least worth a phone call. I so hope that they can put your mind to rest and that it’s good news … I’m here either way. I would be going insane in your shoes, too.

    If they can give you good news, then the next step is for you to get a personal doppler. They’re not 100% useful, because they don’t always pick up the heart beat (depending on where the baby is and how it’s facing), but it’s better than what these unsupportive people have offered you. I hate it that they’re not taking better emotional care of you. 😦

  7. 10/01/2011 at 6:55 pm

    That sounds horrible. No wonder you can’t sleep. I agree with everyone else – If you’re bleeding, you should be seen by someone soon.

    Can you go to the ER? Perhaps not mention that you’ve already had a scan to confirm its a uterine pregnancy? That way, you can say you’re worried about an ectopic pregnancy, and hopefully that will be enough to get you a scan.

  8. Anxiousmummy
    10/01/2011 at 8:52 pm

    Slow off the mark again but can you go to a gp? I am so upset you deserve to know more. Please don’t give up hope. I am so frustrated right along with you. Huge hugs

  9. 11/01/2011 at 12:08 am

    Im with dandle dreams. You need to get to an er, scream possibly ectopic and get some answers. You cant live this way and shame on this clinic for making it this traumatic for you. Please let us know how you are x

  10. Still A Guest Room
    11/01/2011 at 1:49 am

    So sorry you are going through all of this and REALLY hoping that you get good news at your next appointment.

  11. 11/01/2011 at 10:22 am

    Ugh I’m sorry. Hoping that everything is just fine with Sparkie.

  12. 11/01/2011 at 11:48 am

    I’m a day late, but so sorry you’re having such a rough go with Sparkie. With my last pregnancy I had three very scary big bleeds in the first trimester. Each time I freaked out and requested an ultrasound to see what was going on. I am normally opposed to the drama-queen act but with a pregnancy I’m all for it. It’s amazing what sort of doors will open for you if you ring up someone in hysterical tears.

    Keeping fingers crossed for you.

  13. 11/01/2011 at 12:14 pm

    Oh no, I hoping so much that you still get good news at your appointment, bleeding can be so common in these beginning stages. I’m also not sleeping at all…same reasons, getting up to pee an average of 5 times a night, constant thoughts and inability to get comfortable. Thinking of you, sending so much love and lots of positive thoughts ((hugs))

  14. bir
    11/01/2011 at 12:30 pm

    You are being completely normal. But you know that. All the support from us in the world can only make a smidge of differentce. We know that. But we’re all here!
    I’m sure that you also know that you can have hormonal bleeds around the times that you would normally have a period – with my first I had bleeds at 8 and 16 weeks which were put down to hormones. Doesn’t make it feel any better at all. But hoping that’s all it is for you.

    Hang in there… just one foot in front of another!

  15. 13/01/2011 at 5:04 am

    I’m praying for you and sending lots of good supportive vibes!
    And I think crawling into bed with a DVD and a dog is just exactly right. For me it would be three cats, however.
    Ya, feelings just happen.. they have a life of their own. I find it works out better for me if I just don’t resist them. Tho with too much fear and stress, diverting the thoughts out of their dedicated rut is helpful, (thus DVDs are good!)

  16. 14/01/2011 at 6:27 pm

    Hi there,

    I was wondering if you would be interested in the new post I added to my blog, please stop by and have a look

    Thanks – Stefanie over at http://www.lifesjourney-stef.blogspot.com

  17. the crazy cat woman
    15/01/2011 at 7:35 am

    How awful for you. I think in your situation I’d just go to ANY GP that I could get in to at short notice and get a referral for a scan ASAP. That’s what I did when I had my bleeding at 10 weeks. As you know, it wasn’t good news for me, but it’s better to know than to not know, and of course bleeding is not necessarily bad news for everyone.

    Thinking of you.

  18. 15/01/2011 at 5:02 pm

    Grrr….this is where commenting on blogs just feels so darn inadequate. Tas, I do hate to think of you suffering like this and hope by now you have found some assistance. Your feelings are completely understandable, and that bleeping 7 week rule and then ‘your out!’ with the clinics is the pits! Maybe there will be some reassurance from the comments above, and some useful advice. If blog comments could make things better, then I am sure you and Little Spark would get through this without a worry..love to you both!

    LS x

  19. MKW
    16/01/2011 at 6:49 am

    I VERY much hope there cease to be any more horror fests. Know you have people all over the world pulling for you and maybe this world wide web of hope and faith can pull you through the situation. I agree with pp that comments on a blog are just not enough. I wish there were more I could do. I do owe you an email. (Did you get the one with the reasoning behind each sock pair?) All I know to tell you is that there are hand squeezes and hope reserved and in spirit being sent daily to you and spark. Each week that passes is a week closer.

  20. 16/01/2011 at 10:05 am

    HI D, I am really behind on blogs atm and am so sorry to read that you are still going through this. I am really worried about you. I can’t write down the list of expletives that comes to mind when I think about your clinic. They are truly abhorrent. Please please please go to a doctor. If I was in that situation I would go to the ER, particularly because you can’t get any appointments. You need to see a doc of some kind.

    I hope everything is okay and will continue to think good thoughts for you. We are all here for you.

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