Home > Weekly Updates > 14: 35% of 40 (Plus 1 Day)

14: 35% of 40 (Plus 1 Day)

14 weeks 1 day.  I’ve had a nasty summer cold and have only been accessing the outside world via my phone and not my laptop, so I didn’t post yesterday.  I still feel awful but am at work today (however have been extremely naughty and have spent more time catching up on blogs than working!).  I’ve felt awful.  It started out as a nasty sore throat, then the glands in my throat decided it would be attractive to impersonate a neck brace, then the glands calmed down and the mucus moved in (I thought this was a positive sign that things were progressing to a close!), then I couldn’t sleep for a couple nights because my nose was too full of snot and I keep coughing, hacking, and sneezing.  I’m still coughing, hacking, and sneezing – but the nose is clearing.  Maybe only another box or two of tissues and I’ll be fine.  So that’s how I spent my long weekend and half the working week.

I’m feeling strange about things today.  On the surface numb, but totally and completely ready to start bawling my eyes out at the same time.  My mind is screaming to me updates about what was happening at this stage with Blobby; I can’t silence them.  Basically at 14w1 I was rushing to emergency appointments because I kept telling people things were going wrong and having everyone say things were fine.  Sometime in the early hours of the morning Sparky will (cross fingers/touch wood) be older than Blobby ever got to be.

After pushing myself last week, I’ve come back into my safe cocoon of not dealing with things.  It’s a much more comfy place to be.  I haven’t read anything – especially not all the info the hospital gave me last week with its copious photos of happy mums and bubs.  I received a parcel with clothes I ordered from overseas, but I haven’t even opened it.  (Very strange behaviour for me; I usually LOVE parcels.)  I’m mildly scared because my tummy suddenly doesn’t seem as big, I’m not as hungry, and TMI alert my nipples aren’t as constantly, uncomfortable hard as they have been.  But I’m having trouble even thinking about it enough to worry.

I had a bit of a break-down late last week.  Believe it or not, talking about discharge isn’t my favourite thing, so in last week’s update I didn’t mention that ever since stopping the Crinone I’ve been noticing green discharge.  Not all the time, but at least once a day.  It had me worried, so I phoned the OB’s office late Thursday morning.  By 5 to 5 I’d still not heard anything back, and a friend helped me realise I should phone.  Which I did, and I was really annoyed that the nurse looked things up, found that my OB had responded to the question she’d sent in the morning, and told me it’s probably thrush.  In exactly the same words she’d used when I’d phoned that morning, so it didn’t make me feel confident she’d actually contacted the OB.  (That could just be me being crazy though.)  I wasn’t terribly impressed that she also didn’t give me any advice on how to deal with thrush in my present state.  I’d think they’d be trying to keep patients informed and from consulting the ever-hysterical Dr Google, but I didn’t know what else to do.  And all this just before a long weekend as I count down the days to when Blobby’s pregnancy ended.  Shouldn’t I have been phoned back?!  Shouldn’t I be told how to treat thrush if that’s what they think I have?!

By the next morning I was questioning whether I should be with this OB at all.  If I can’t get questions answered, is this the practise for me?  He seems lovely, but if his staff won’t take my worries seriously what’s the point?  I made the fatal mistake of asking my husband, and he didn’t respond at all.  So of course I took out all my frustrations him.  Not that he doesn’t deserve a fair share, but it was thoroughly exhausting for me.  I still don’t know what I’ll do/say when I have my OB appointment tomorrow.  I’m angry.  I know I’m not his only patient, but I will not be treated so casually – especially when I go out of my way to try not to be a nuisance patient and phone with every worry I have.  And especially when I’ve already had a loss.

I get tired of all the whingeing I do here, but I guess it’s just what I’m experiencing.  I’m not feeling any joy or expectation of wonderfulness; I’m just trying to get through the days.  Trying to force happy feelings just makes me feel worse, so I’m just trying to cruise through as well as I can.  And before you say it, NO – don’t expect getting through the next day to make any magical improvement in my mood.  It’s not happening.

What I am taking:

  • Blackmores Pregnancy & Breast-Feeding Gold 2 x daily
  • Low dose aspirin daily

It still feels strange to be taking such a small number of things!

Upcoming milestones:

  • 18 February:  next OB visit
  • 18 February:  14 weeks 2 days, the age Blobby was when he died
  • 9 March:  17 weeks.  For some reason I’m having an irrational fear about being 16 weeks, so I’ll be glad if I hit 17.
  • 24 March:  physio session (me); father’s session (the husband)
  • 25 March:  Sparky has 2nd row centre seats for THE AWESOME Weird Al Yankovic!
  • 16 July:  Antenatal class
  • 19 July:  Doctor’s session
Categories: Weekly Updates
  1. a
    17/02/2011 at 2:09 pm

    Second trimester – when you start feeling better! So, maybe that’s what’s going on.

    I think one of the major issues with pregnancy is stress. With your history, you have additional causes for stress. So, while you might not be your OB’s only patient, you are definitely in need of special attention to manage your anxiety. Maybe that need will decrease, as time goes on and things continue to be fine. But right now, you need more. Talk to your OB. Talk to the manager of the nursing staff if it’s not the doctor. Talk to the receptionist or whoever answers the phone.

    So you will be happy to know that the other day, I heard on the radio that Weird Al is just the nicest guy ever to interview (some local djs went to the Grammy Awards to (essentially) harass celebrities, but they said Weird Al is so nice that they couldn’t bring themselves to say anything to put him on the spot).

    • 17/02/2011 at 2:14 pm

      Of course Weird Al is the nicest guy ever! And never gets halitosis – even if he eats raw onions!! And can cure cancer with a touch of his hand!!! But thank you for keeping me abreast of Yankovic news. 🙂

  2. 17/02/2011 at 5:41 pm

    thinking of you and little blobby for tomorrow disa, remember sparky is his/her own person with his/her own path to follow . all my symptoms left me in second trimester and i honestly didn’t feel pregnant at all. you just feel what you feel hon, pregnancy after loss is incredibly hard and you and little sparky are both doing a fantastic job. tell your ob how you feel about yesterday and the anxiety it gave you that no-one seemed to care. he should know that a pregnancy for a woman who has suffered a loss should be handled differently to one who has not. goodness knows he gets paid enough by you for special care! sending you loads of love and strength for tomorrow xxx anne

  3. 18/02/2011 at 11:06 am

    Sending lots of love and positive thoughts your way. I can’t imagine the crazy emotions I’ll be feeling when I reach the point where I lost Lily in my last pregnancy…I know it will be difficult. You and I have such similar feelings sometimes…I have also been worried that I’m not growing as quickly as last time and what that might mean, it’s so hard not to allow my mind to go to all that may be wrong. I’m sorry you’ve been so under the weather lately:( And in terms of the OB, I would definitely look around for someone else if you aren’t getting the care you deserve there. I had to change OB’s previously for similar issues and now am very happy with the doctor I have. With a pregnancy following loss it’s so vital to have a physician you can trust following your care, not to mention you deserve it!
    Hoping it was a gentle day ((hugs))

  4. 18/02/2011 at 4:43 pm

    Green discharge is NOT thrush. Check it out, get a swab, it could be bacterial vaginosis, which puts you in a slightly higher risk bracket for preterm labour. Don’t freak out, but just get someone to do a vaginal swab, even a family doc or a walk in clinic if you have them.

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