Home > Musings > Putting On My Big Girl Pants

Putting On My Big Girl Pants

Saturday was a wet, rainy day.  We need some rain, but on a Saturday?  My husband woke me up at 10 am.  I’d creeped downstairs in the middle of the night; I do most nights because I’m such a poor sleeper lately and my husband’s snoring keeps me awake.  So I was sound asleep when he crawled into bed next to me – and Lottie, who was sleeping on the bed with me – climbed across me to get petted by him.  So I was woken up and grumpy for being woken up so early (well, until I realised the time).

I just tell you this so you understand that I felt bad for being grumpy and felt a bit like I owed my husband just a bit of non-grumpiness.  So when he responded to my ‘what did you want to do today’ question by saying he’d like to check out baby shops, I swallowed my curses and agreed to go with him.  And even agreed to wear the maternity jeans I hadn’t so much as looked at since purchasing.  Of course I haven’t hemmed them, so I had to wear huge stompy boots so they didn’t drag on the floor.  But I kinda liked that.

My New New Rocks; Stompy Boots

Do these boots say 'I Squash You, Fertiles!' to you? Yeah - me too!

There’s a few little clothing boutiquey things, but really there are only 3 baby shops in southern Tasmania.  First we headed to the one in Kingston.  A couple seems to own it, and they seemed nice.  When I told them it was my first time in ‘that sort’ of shop and was very uncomfortable, they were gentle.

I’m the planner in our relationship.  My husband loves it because he’s more the type to sit back and assume things will get done – and usually they do.  Holidays magically happen, our wedding overseas happened effortlessly, bathrooms are magically renovated, IVF is organised, etc.  So I was impressed that he was planning ahead enough to want to have a look through shops already.  I should have known. . .

My husband had fun looking at stuff he thought was cute.  Impractical bedspreads, soft toys, expensive clothes.  I tried to convince myself that all the animals on everything he pointed out were dogs (even if they were called by obscure dog names like ‘cat’).  Being the planner I am, and trying to distract myself with the technicalities of things, I wound up asking questions and looking at prams and capsules.  It actually wasn’t so bad – I could compare them as objects without thinking about why.  But then. . .

It only happens when you haven’t brushed your hair, when you’re feeling unsure of yourself: in walks a part of your past. This time it was a past best friend – the one I shared my last true single days with and who was there through all the joys and dramas of the early stages of my relationship with my now husband. We drank each other under tables and then sat on the floor giggling at each other.  We went to clubs, let guys buy us drinks, then danced with each other.  I hosted her 30th and kept the two guys she was interested in subtlety away from each other during the entire night (quite a feat in the tiny, 100+ year old cottage I was renting!).  We grew apart when her addiction for an emotionally abusive boyfriend who she wouldn’t leave became just too much, especially under the stress of my own issues with now-husband.

This sweet-but-painful piece of my past walked into the shop – holding one baby and very pregnant with another. We chatted sort of uncomfortably but openly. She mentioned her older girl would be a year old in a week and that she was due with her second in 8 weeks.  She and the owner of the shop had a laugh together at what a joke they think the mini-pill is.  I joking told them to stop showing off and said I was only there after years and years of IVF. Really, I kept my voice and manner light, but BOOM – the door closed. I’d outed myself as infertile – in a baby shop. Totally taboo subject. I’m not allowed to joke about things like the fertiles do. I was supposed to be complaining about symptoms, complaining about how my husband just had to look at me and I’m up the duff , and ooh and awhhh over the baby stuff. Oops.

Anyway, I survived the baby shops.  I survived seeing an uber-fertile ex-best friend.  I even survived wearing official maternity jeans (and even found that they are comfy and made me look less bump-y than the strange ways I was getting normal trousers to fit – although they want to slip down my arse).  Maybe I’ll even get around to hemming them – but I’m not giving up on the stompy boots!

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Categories: Musings
  1. 21/02/2011 at 8:45 pm

    Congrats on survival and keep those awesome boots! After almost 5 years, I get the uncomfortable silence, too. Though not as much since many people now assume all multiples are IVF bounty.

  2. 21/02/2011 at 10:25 pm

    I am trembling looking at you in those boots. Luckily they resisted the urge to stomp on your ex bestie!!

  3. 21/02/2011 at 11:35 pm

    Good for you! Sounds like your stompy boots and maternity jeans helped you be powerful in a tough situation in the baby shop (rumpled hair be damned)! Why is it these encounters always happen when we’re feeling unsure of ourselves that day?

  4. 22/02/2011 at 12:24 am

    Glad you survived the trip to the boutiques. I hope that in the future you are able to enjoy trips like that! Love the boots!

  5. 22/02/2011 at 12:25 am

    I am so proud of you! Surviving the first maternity shop and clothes is a big hurdle, but throw in the very fertile ex-best friend and I say you deserve a special treat 🙂

    ICLW #6

  6. 22/02/2011 at 12:30 am

    those boots are awesome…Saying hi from ICLW #121

  7. Still A Guest Room
    22/02/2011 at 1:16 am

    Congrats on surviving…I see many more baby shops in your future!

  8. 22/02/2011 at 3:58 am

    Ug. How obnoxious to run into your friend. Seriously. I’m so glad you said something though. Maybe then she’s realize what a miracle she has both in her arms and in her belly. Congrats on the NTU scan results! Yay! I hope things keep going well! A healthy and happy nine months to you.

    ICLW #67

  9. Kate Bentley
    22/02/2011 at 4:33 am

    Sending you love and luck. It seems you have had a week of emotional hurdles – and quite frankly soared over them. Go that girl! x

    ICLW

  10. nh
    22/02/2011 at 5:07 am

    Well done…and I think you did the right thing saying something.

    ICLW

  11. 22/02/2011 at 5:24 am

    congrats on your BFP! That’s amazing. i’m just hitting the 4yr mark and we’re going to do DE if my last FET w/ my own egs doesnt’ work. its great to hear some good news. stopping over from ICLW (#47)

  12. Sarah
    22/02/2011 at 5:49 am

    I am so proud of you!! I still have issues sometimes going into store, like someone is going to turn to me and tell me I don’t belong there!!

    I hope things keep going well for you

    Happy ICLW
    #85

  13. 22/02/2011 at 7:14 am

    OMG..I love those boots but mostly the captain!

    Happy ICLW
    #122

  14. 22/02/2011 at 7:15 am

    love, love, LOVE the boots.

  15. 22/02/2011 at 7:16 am

    Congrats on your pregnancy and I hope everything continues to go well for you!

    ICLW
    #38

  16. The Crazy Cat Woman
    22/02/2011 at 8:44 am

    That sounds like a pretty uncomfortable encounter. Love those maternity boots!

  17. a
    22/02/2011 at 8:56 am

    I like your stompy boots. Congrats on surviving the trip to the baby store.

    The ex-friend and the shop owner ought to be exposed to the rest of life once in a while – if it makes them uncomfortable, that’s their problem. And if your friend’s children are so close in age, I doubt that birth control had anything to do with it – I’m guessing she’s just not very educated about how the reproductive system works. Or maybe she’s one of those who assumes that breast-feeding prevents pregnancy. Overall, still very annoying.

  18. 22/02/2011 at 8:57 am

    Those are some heavy duty boots! I wouldn’t mess with you for sure!

  19. 22/02/2011 at 9:08 am

    Good for you and your stompy boots.

    FYI, wanted to let you know I changed my blog address:
    http://alittleblogaboutthebiginfertility.blogspot.com/

    Jess

  20. 22/02/2011 at 9:24 am

    Here from ICLW. Love the boots! I wouldn’t wanna be a Fertile in YOUR way, that’s for sure. And I totally imagined myself in the shop while you made your joke and then all was quiet. It’s like I wanted to feed those women their next lines…LOL!

  21. 22/02/2011 at 10:16 am

    Good for you…I love how you responded to them in the shop! Jokes like that get to me too, if only it were that easy for everyone! Glad that things went smoothly considering what you were facing. Love the stompy boots too:)

  22. 22/02/2011 at 3:47 pm

    I’m glad that you said what you said to them, they needed to realize that not everyone gets pregnant at the drop of a hat. I hope it gets easier to walk into the baby shops!

    ICLW # 24

  23. 22/02/2011 at 4:08 pm

    Fantastic boots! Perfect for stomping the fertiles!

    Btw, the shopping does get easier. But to tell you the truth, even now that we have our little one, I still feel like a big fake when I go into the baby stores.

  24. 22/02/2011 at 4:09 pm

    Sorry the surprise reunion with the ex-friend went the way it did and good for you for responding to the mini-pill comment. Those people who complain about pregnancy and/or kids really shit me. I just want to say to them ‘you know how babies are made, right? Either don’t get pregnant, have an abortion, or shut the hell up and be grateful you damn fertile bitch!’

    Love the boots too – very stompy indeed.

  25. 22/02/2011 at 5:39 pm

    Love the boots. I’m glad that much of the shopping went well, and that you were able to work on som eof the “planning” that needs to happen. Sorry for the uncomforatble moments. They suck, but we get through them.

  26. Bec
    22/02/2011 at 7:49 pm

    Cool boots and screw what everyone else thinks. I hope you are making it seem worse on this blog than it was for poetic licence reasons!! Chill lovely! All will be well.
    And strangely those boots make me think of Weird Al’s Fat garb. Haha. Seriously that version was better than MJ’s…”I got more chins than Chinatown” (ok so that is highly racist, but quite funny also)

  27. 23/02/2011 at 2:42 am

    I love the boots. Congratualtions on your pregnancy and best of luck.

    ICLW

  28. 23/02/2011 at 3:11 am

    i am not pregnant nor will i ever be (my husband and i together are sterile), but i know that hurt of seeing the “ex-best friend” with all her littles and littles on the way …except they are called my husband and my siblings over here and not ex-besties.

    i’ve only had to find out over the phone about all these pregnancies …to be honest, i don’t think i have boots big enough to stomp out all that fertility!

    can’t i just tell them all i don’t want to be friends until we are 60 and their parts are as non-working as mine?

    until then? i think i need to go booth shopping!

  29. 23/02/2011 at 4:02 am

    Stopping in for ICLW (#139)…those shoes are awesome!! So sorry that you ran into Fertile Myrtle at the baby shop, though. I’m glad you said something. 😉

  30. 23/02/2011 at 4:18 am

    What an awesome milestone to be baby shopping and even wearing the maternity clothes. I really love hearing good news every time I check in on you. hang in there and try to keep letting the light and positivity keep the fear at bay!

  31. katery
    23/02/2011 at 5:26 am

    congratulations on your pregnancy, it sounds like you have had one hell of a ride to get here. good luck to you, i am sending all my sticky baby dust your way.

  32. 23/02/2011 at 7:31 am

    Great stomping boots for baby store shopping! Visiting from ICLW. Your story is inspiring, very best wishes.

  33. AP
    23/02/2011 at 12:40 pm

    Huh. What strange paths to have cross: your crazy younger days and the current pregnant/motherhood days. Quite a difference, I’m sure!

    Congrats on the pregnancy and Happy ICLW!

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