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Little Stranger

Before he was born, it was hard to imagine Sparky as a real, live boy on the outside. Sure, I was feeling hiccups and wiggles, but actually imagining that this would become my son was beyond what I was capable of doing. I had this little stranger inside, someone I imagined I knew but could not really know.

Then he was born, and he was this little stranger.  I recognised the hiccups and the wiggles he had done with his hands on the inside, however everything else was new.  His hair, his lips, his whole body, his smell, his sneezes, his cry.  They warn you that not all mothers feel an instant connection with their bub, but I did.  He was a little stranger, but I loved him completely.

It reminded me of when I adopted my dog, Lottie. I had info about her from her breeder,so spent the week or so it took to arrange for her to fly to Tasmania from the mainland thinking and dreaming of her – loving her before I’d been in her presence. I saw her deplane and eagerly awaited her being checked and released to me.

When I was finally introduced to Lottie she was still in her traveling cage, cowering at the back when the door was opened. I remember realising how strange I must seem to her, more likely a dognapper than a loving family.

Fast forward to today, and Lottie is devoted to me. We couldn’t be more family if I had given birth to her.

Eskil is growing so quickly. Am I crazy that I’m so upset that he’s growing out of things that were once big? And every day he seems to do something new – who made that noise? Who is able to jiggle that toy! Even though I know so much about him – his smell, his size, his movements – he’s still a stranger, recreating himself every day – adding something new to what the Eskil I thought I was getting to know is.

At least I can be assured he doesn’t think of me as a stranger or dognapper. Last week when I was at the child health centre the nurse watched him on the change table as I went to give my hands a post-nappy change wash. She told me he followed me with his eyes as I left and came back – my little man!

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Categories: Ovum Donor Pregnancy
  1. a
    04/10/2011 at 1:59 am

    I think that’s the best part of these early days – learning who your little guy is and watching him learn everything!

  2. 04/10/2011 at 9:00 am

    Lovely post – I like that idea that “he’s still a stranger, recreating himself everyday” – amazing.

  3. 04/10/2011 at 12:05 pm

    I don’t think it’s crazy at all … I love the way you describe him changing, becoming a new version of himself. We’ve been saying that a lot recently about N., who started crawling in earnest today. Amazing, these little people they become.

  4. 04/10/2011 at 2:42 pm

    How very sweet that your little Eskil keeps a close eye on his mommy!

  5. 04/10/2011 at 4:04 pm

    This is so beautiful and gives me hope – thank you for sharing! ❤

  6. 04/10/2011 at 5:24 pm

    Emma also watches me everywhere I go, I am in love head over heels with her. I also want time to slow down, don’t worry!

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