Home > Ovum Donor Pregnancy > Number 2

Number 2

You’d think that with an 8 week and 4 day old bub the title of this post would refer to something a bit graphic and TMI (and it could – shall I mention mustard and spinach and curds, oh my!).  But no; freakishly I’m referring to that dreaded question: ‘when are you planning on having number two?’.

I’d really like to use some strong language here but won’t.  I’m certain you can all fill it in for yourselves.  ‘Planning’?  ‘Number two’?  Seriously?!  Planning – like the 5 years of infertility and the need to use donor ovum is suddenly cured now I’ve given birth to a live boy?  And number two – like my first son didn’t exist?

I was first asked this question in hospital.  By someone who knew how long we did IVF, what a struggle it was, and obviously that Blobby had died along the way.  Then asked by my in-laws, who again new about IVF and Blobby, before Eskil was 2 weeks old.

Yes, I’d love to do this all again.  After all, we still have names for a girl we haven’t used!  However it is highly unlikely that I will.  We have one embryo left.  The chances of it surviving the thaw aren’t good, and even if it does the chances of it becoming a little person are so small I don’t have enough fingers to describe the decimal places.  My husband says he’s not doing any more ART after that embryo.  He’s probably right; it could drive us crazy and we already have the most wonderful child we could imagine.

But still, those comments are like stabs in my heart.  Added to all the other painful scars infertility and loss have given  me.  And it makes each milestone or new trick my son learns all the more poignant.  Never again will I carry a hiccuping being within me; never again will I experience childbirth; never again will I see a first smile.  Infertility has made these things bittersweet rather than simply sweet.

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Categories: Ovum Donor Pregnancy
  1. a
    06/10/2011 at 12:01 am

    Point 1: I have been reading infertility blogs for too long, as I saw your title and thought “She’s gonna go for another one already?” 🙂

    Point 2: Please don’t tell me that you missed out on a chance to forcefully re-educate people on their manners when it comes to reproduction! You have the post-partum hormone rage excuse and you didn’t use it?

    Point 3: Get used to it – people never stop. It’s really f***ing annoying. Had someone tell me about their friend who had a baby at 43 the other day. Yep, I know someone who did that too. Not gonna happen for me. 😦

  2. 06/10/2011 at 1:48 am

    Ugh. It’s like you can never win with the general public. I say go off on them next time! You are entitled. (And as a above said, you can blame the hormones.) you have been given a gift, and it’s quality over quantity!

  3. 06/10/2011 at 3:20 am

    I hate that people ask this question at all … as if one live child isn’t enough, anyway … isn’t a gift anyway. When will people get out of strangers’ bedrooms?

    UGH.

  4. 06/10/2011 at 5:27 am

    Wouldn’t it be great if giving birth to and taking home a living baby was enough to fix infertility? To make it all go away and make us ‘normal’? I wish there was a way to buffer interfiles from these sorts of comments as undoubtedly the people saying them don’t mean any harm and would avoid them if they had any idea how painful they can be. I hate that your having Eskil hasn’t ‘fixed’ everything. I hate that people assume that it has. However, I’m so very pleased that you do have him and at the end of the day, when people are being idiots, you’ve got a beautiful little living boy to snuggle with and hopefully the joy of having him helps to ease the pain of infertility and loss and idiot comments.

  5. Sienna
    06/10/2011 at 11:31 am

    I wish I had a “smart” response for you to tell ppl. Instd, maybe “screw you” would do? Ppl don’t know the hurt they cause with what seems like such a simple question. I hope you are one of those ppl who have a miracle happen for #2. Xoxoxoxo.

  6. 06/10/2011 at 3:56 pm

    You know, I feel the same way. I might never be able to get pregnant again. My husband might say enough of this maddness. Or I might feel like I should not risk my life, for Emma’s sake. And I do feel sad about never being pregnant again, I loved the second half of the pregnancy, minus the worry. However, we reallly did win the lottery, so let’s enjoy it. Tell people to stop being so stupid. I do. That’s why I am so popular…

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