Home > Ovum Donor Pregnancy > How Does One Mummy?!

How Does One Mummy?!

While Sparky was on the inside I couldn’t really look at pregnancy related books; they were written for normals and I didn’t want to curse anything.  I was given a book on bubs and kids, but although I tried to delve into it as I neared Sparky’s anticipated eviction date I couldn’t really get into it.  I didn’t want to play with Nemesis.

At antenatal class the midwife said we’d have a chance to ask any questions while we were in hospital, so I figured I’d be all right with that.  I knew nothing; not how to swaddle, not how to change a nappy, not how to give a bath, not what those sounds coming from the cot meant and whether or not I was supposed to react to them, etc.  They pretty much covered that and other things I couldn’t have even imagined while  in hospital.

And I still haven’t read any books.  I hate to say it, but it’s been easier than I thought.  Not the lack of sleep and breast refusal part, but the other stuff hasn’t been awful.  He gets hungry; I give him something to eat.  His nappy becomes crappy; I change it (sorry – one of the bizarre little chit-chats I have while changing him is talking about changing him from a crappy nappy into a happy nappy chappy).  When he’s awake I chat to him.  I smile; I’m animated.  I read books.  I tell him about the world.  We leave the house every day.  I tell him about his conception.  I teach him that my opinions are actually fact: Weird Al is the bestest musician and instructor in cultural literacy and Jane Austin’s best novel is Northanger Abbey, not Pride and Prejudice.

I felt even better about my approach when a friend said she regrets reading so many books.  She thinks she tried to over prepare herself so much that instead of reacting to her daughter she was constantly searching for what the books said would happen and said she should do.  Not that I think it’s all intuition, but so far there are people like child health nurses who tell me anything important.  There are so many supports around that there is always someone to ask – and I could of course crack out my book.

And things aren’t always easy.  And I’m probaby missing really important things I have no idea about.  Sometimes when I see older children I wonder how in the world I will ever deal with the problems that come with whatever age that child is; after all, I’m not qualified.

Then I realise that just as with the age he is now, we’ll just figure it out together.

Eskil Trying Some Shades

Categories: Ovum Donor Pregnancy
  1. a
    31/10/2011 at 11:15 am

    I think I read What To Expect When You’re Expecting, found it completely useless, and then read a couple amusing memoirs. Oh, and the Happiest Baby On the Block because I saw it on TV, and it looked interesting. I used the Happiest Baby On The Block info, and then I didn’t have time to read. Also, I didn’t have any major problems that I felt like I couldn’t solve myself – or by asking my friends.

    I think that’s the best advice you can give to a new mom – trust your instincts. If your instincts tell you it’s too much trouble to breastfeed, give the kid formula (or pump, I suppose. But I hated pumping!). If your instincts tell you there’s something wrong, pester the doctor until he/she finds it. The rest of the time, just enjoy yourself, because there is endless entertainment right there at your fingertips!

  2. 31/10/2011 at 1:45 pm

    Awww, love the pic! And you sound like you’re being a wonderful mummy! And you’ll figure it all out as you go along – just stay one step ahead of him and you’ll be fine. I loved the bit about teaching him that your opinions are actually fact.

    Btw, I just got a copy of Northanger Abby last week. Excited to read it!

    • 31/10/2011 at 5:27 pm

      I love Northanger Abbey! Keep in mind the novels of the day written by Radcliffe etc and it’s a great parody/send up of them!

  3. 01/11/2011 at 12:39 am

    Seems to me that after everything you have been through to find yourself in this place, it is all coming fairly naturally to you. Sounds like you are so in tune with him and his needs and just reacting to how you read his needs. So well done, I really hope I find it easy to cope too.

  4. 01/11/2011 at 7:10 am

    Good on you, sounds like you are doing a great job. He is so precious!

  5. 02/11/2011 at 9:12 am

    You’re a natural! You don’t need no stinking books! I’d save my book reading for more fun things anyway. Eskil will let you know if you’re doing something wrong. This is a really beautiful post and I’m pleased that aside from the boob issue things are going so well.

  6. 03/11/2011 at 1:12 pm

    The books all disagree with one another anyway. It’s sort of like reading Dr. Google … you can drive yourself crazy feeling inadequate/misguided/etc. … when in reality, you’re doing a fabulous job. 🙂 Eskil is SUCH a cutie!

  7. 10/11/2011 at 12:51 pm

    I think intuition and the advice of those around you who’ve been there themselves and are in your culture and lead a similar life to you are so much more valuable than what someone can tell you in a book when they’ve never been in your shoes. I think you’re doing an awesome job! And, as long as it all feels comfortable for you, I wouldn’t change what you’re doing.

    Btw, that is one beautiful baby boy!

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