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Bittersweet

I am very pleased with myself for not giving everyone who wished me a happy first mum’s day a high five in the face.  The first mother’s day after Blobby died was the worst ever, and the two since have been awful reminders of that day.  My husband just had no clue that referring to others mums while all I had was memories, scan images, and footprints would hurt like it did.

I was too scared to celebrate while pregnant with my Little Spark.  And although this year I have the great joy of having a healthy nine month old, the pain was still there.

I always feel s bit self consciousness when out with my boy.  I wonder who might be seeing us and feeling that pang of longing.  Sunday would have been awful as I bumped onto friends with bubs and shared coffee.

But of course there were sweet moments.  Every minute of the day, I had my clever, gorgeous boy with me.  And although I cannot shake the pain of the years leading up to his birth, they are what lead to his birth.  We would both have been different without them.

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Categories: Uncategorized
  1. a
    16/05/2012 at 8:57 am

    I know the memories will never leave, but I hope the pain diminshes with time…

  2. 16/05/2012 at 11:07 pm

    “I wonder who might be seeing us and feeling that pang of longing”

    I feel this way, too… I remember when I was pregnant, watching two couples with obviously adopted Korean girls – I was full of warm fuzzy feelings of admiration,the girls were so adorable, and both sets of parents so engaged – and then I thought that, perhaps, they won’t appreciate my pregnant smiling face…

    It’s always tricky.

    Share some pics of your boy?

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