Home > MicroBlogMonday, Musings > My Favourite Fuckhead

My Favourite Fuckhead

I have a good friend to whom I can admit all the fucked things that go on in my head. I don’t admit to all of them – that would take days. But I can, and she won’t look down on me. And she can admit the fucked things that go through her mind too. And then we can call each other fuckheads and laugh and feel like we’re alone in being so fucked in the head but we’re alone together in that moment.

We’ve been through a lot together. She’s someone I used to work with, and the friendship has outlasted shared cubicles and flourished. We worked together when Blobby died, and she was still my friend. I wasn’t always aware of it, but she used to shield and protect me from things. Like when someone in a cafe asked me how my ‘baby’ was, and it took me a moment to realise she meant my dog, but in that moment my insides melted. She paid for my coffee and lead me outside. I’m sure a few times when I was having a meltdown in my cubicle she shooed away well-meaning interferers. I wouldn’t know how to help someone going through what I was going through, and I don’t know how she knew.

And then she had to experience her mum dying from cancer. And that was horrible. And her mum got to know my son a little, but would never know any of my friend’s children as she doesn’t have any. It was part wonderful for her to watch how she’d have reacted but also intensely painful. And I shielded her from well-meaning but insensitive people in the office.


She and her partner are about to start trying to have a bub. And she’s so cool she’s warning me – she doesn’t know what their journey will be like, i.e. if it will happen immediately or never or something in between – but she’s keeping me in the loop so I can prepare and has already given me permission to be happy as well as angry or sad or whatever I want to feel and to change my feelings with no notice.

This post is part of Stirrup Queen’s MicroBlog Mondays. (A link will be added when her post goes up tonight.) Join in!

Categories: MicroBlogMonday, Musings
  1. 10/08/2015 at 4:49 pm

    The second part about her giving you a heads up takes a special gorgeous type of friend. I experienced a terrible announcement last Friday, when I least expected it and it really broke me. I mean the whole sobbing and crying and hysterical response that I haven’t had in years. All it would have taken for me to happy and sad for here would have been a small heads up, not an in your face photo annoucement and that was all it was on the phone just a I am sorry I know this will be hard but I am pregnant. Now I am already over the pregnancy and it is week 2 since knowing and I can’t hold back on my seething anger when I should be happy for her. It is hard though to be happy for someone that is 38, has two kids from a previous relationship and smokes that fell pregnant first try. That hurts and always will. Anyway I hope your fuckhead has an easy trot too. Seems to me she is one of the good ones.

  2. Mel
    11/08/2015 at 6:29 am

    That is the best kind of friend; a never-let-them-go friend.

  3. 11/08/2015 at 3:38 pm

    What a wonderful friend. I have someone a bit like that, and we’re even closer now 17-18 years after meeting. (And my mind is boggling, because I’ve just had to calculate the number of years!)

  4. a
    13/08/2015 at 4:42 am

    Much luck to your friend – she sounds like a treasure.

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