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A ‘Perfect’ Day

This post is inspired by Stirrup Queen’s MicroBlog Mondays 81

Through those long years of treatments I hoped that if I finally had a child I would be a great mum. Actually, I expected it of myself. All of this waiting and pain would ensure that I didn’t take a day for granted and that I would always be patient, loving, and present.

I was on a lot of drugs at the time, most of them hormones, so obviously I was delusional.

Being a mum after IVF et al is, unfortunately, less like being SuperMum and more like being a mortal human. You know, the sort who gets tired, who doesn’t like being ordered around by a tiny tyrant, and who sometimes would like to go to the toilet alone. I know, I know – when I was doing treatment I would have loved to have had not just my dog as an audience while I urinate but also my offspring, but I’ve gone all soft. Most days feel more like a struggle than something worth having wished for for so long.

But last week I had A Day. A Magical Day. Maybe not a perfect day, but a day that gives me hope that maybe I’m not as bad at this thing as I’ve been telling myself.

It was one of those very RARE days when parenting looked almost like I imagined it would before becoming a parent. We went to playgroup at the park in the morning so Sparky could ignore lots of colourful and creative activities to instead play in the bushes with his friend and fall out of a tree. Then we went home to bake biscuits together without either of us getting too frustrated. (Sparky did wander off after the first batch, but that’s probably what kept it civilised.)

Sure, Sparky wouldn’t have a nap, so by the time my husband came home I was ready to hide by myself in my sewing room and not talk to anyone. But the majority of that day was good.

Maybe I am worthy of this tiny human.

Categories: MicroBlogMonday
  1. 14/03/2016 at 12:46 pm

    Girl I could have written this! You are absolutely worthy! Going through our journey you imagine lots of scenarios but MORTAL is all we are. Love the perfect day xx

    • 15/03/2016 at 8:17 pm

      I’m hoping as they grow we have more perfect days!

  2. Mel
    15/03/2016 at 4:26 am

    Ha — you are totally worthy. I made the same promises, and I don’t think any superhuman could keep those words.

    • 15/03/2016 at 8:19 pm

      But with all those instructions during treatment, why when we finally got a bub didn’t we get an instruction manual?!

  3. 15/03/2016 at 4:29 am

    Trust me, this is everyone! Still, it’s lovely to have those perfect days mixed in with the too-mortal ones, isn’t it?

  4. 15/03/2016 at 7:17 am

    LOL. This is so my life story right now. A three-nager is insanely difficult on the best of days. Thankfully he has his sweet moments (ok, quite a few) that help balance it out most of the time.

    • 15/03/2016 at 8:22 pm

      My boy was taking forever to walk from the car to our house, and I mentioned I was going to freeze. He ran to me with a hug to warm me up! Too bad the sweet moments can’t erase the difficult ones.

  5. 15/03/2016 at 7:50 am

    Yep…we’ve all been there! Hope the good days continue!!

    • 15/03/2016 at 8:23 pm

      Thank you, just a few more between the bad would help.

  6. Mali
    15/03/2016 at 10:31 am

    What they all said. I think infertility manufactures really high expectations of what parenting will be, as we spend so much time thinking about it and dreaming about it and hoping we will get there. Glad you had a lovely day. And don’t beat yourself up when you don’t.

    • 15/03/2016 at 8:23 pm

      Oh Mali – beating myself up is the thing I’m best at! :-/

  7. 15/03/2016 at 2:06 pm

    Hallelujah Day!

  8. a
    16/03/2016 at 7:07 am

    Your best bet is to be realistic and accept that you would be a perfect mother if you were perfect and Sparky were perfect (and your husband, too). Unfortunately, you are human and children are frequently annoying (as they are, apparently, also human). Enjoy the good days; try to find the humor in the bad.

  9. justinelevine
    30/03/2016 at 12:23 pm

    Savor those … and bottle them to remember that YOU ARE worthy and that Sparky is worthy, too! It’s never perfect … if it were, it wouldn’t be life. Funny … these days, the moments that make me smile most are the ones in which I’m most human in front of my children, and they realize it, and help me get through it, because I know that some day, they will help other people get through their human-ness, too, and maybe will be a little kinder to themselves when things aren’t so perfect. 🙂

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