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It’s hard to work so hard to fulfil your dream and then find out perhaps you shouldn’t have.

I’ve been in meltdown ever since school pick-up on Wednesday. I’m so bad a parenting that what should have been a 10 minute walk home from school took 1 1/2 hours and many tears – both mine and Sparky’s.

It makes me feel that my family would get on better without me. It makes me feel that maybe I should go back to work full-time so that I have less time with Sparky – and hardly any time alone with him. I have seriously considered just leaving. Packing up and moving away.

This is the side of parenting you don’t see. The self-doubt, the pain, the times when you really wish yourself anywhere else other than with your child. When the job you dislike increasingly seems more attractive than the child you wanted for so long.

I’m not good at this.

Categories: Musings
  1. a
    18/02/2017 at 8:34 am

    I have those thoughts sometimes – nobody needs me, half the time they probably wouldn’t notice if I’m not around, and the rest of the time they’re wishing I was gone. But it’s not real. Sparky relies on you for a lot of things that you don’t even realize. If you’re sometimes short with him…well, he’s sometimes not well-behaved either. So, if you find yourself apologizing to your child for over-reacting to something, I think that’s good parenting. And if he’s just angry because he didn’t get his way…that’s also good parenting, because we don’t always get our way.

    But you are good at this…because you acknowledge these feelings. Life is never perfect and neither are we. (I escape to work a lot – because, you know what? Kids are really annoying sometimes.)

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